Poetry/mild Critique

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by ajoyboy, Oct 27, 2014.

  1. ajoyboy

    ajoyboy Athion Member Athion Member

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    Yo! Here is a place to put poetry for others to read and give (mild) critique and opinion to help you grow as a poet. I like to consider myself adept in poetry, and it is something that I'm passionate about :) So feel free to hit it off with some old thing you want to dust off or some new thing you want to make up and share. :D
    -Ajoy (Austin)
     
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  2. Reuben

    Reuben Athion Member Athion Member

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    The tree lifts so high
    Your mum is way to shy
    We build our little blocks
    many in the sky
    @ajoyboy Terrains so perfect
    whilst @MADVIU gets shrect
    @sycoinc develops so much stuff
    whilst @liamcarsonCOYB is so chuffed.
    @Mithrintia is tearing buts
    whilst @Xenzu only tuts
    @HumanBeing101 does his maths
    to only apear wrong
    whilst @noskill11 laughs in his face
    oh my all night long.
    @TrigaJoules tries to prove them wrong
    but then they make a song,
    and the three musketeers of text cancer show up
    oh the handsom looking Good Sirs
    all @HumanBeing101 , @MADVIU and @Reuben
    when they start their theories people start to curse
    Athion is far to awesome
    for athion is love
    and life
    and
    ..
    beauty
     
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  3. Reuben

    Reuben Athion Member Athion Member

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    No jokes this took me 30 mins
     
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  4. 14iCBi

    14iCBi Athion Member Athion Member

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    inb4
    [insert phrase] is love, [insert phrase] is life
     
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  5. Styx

    Styx Athion Member Athion Member

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    Chuffed? Lel
     
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  6. Shoes_Or_Sandals

    Shoes_Or_Sandals Athion Member Athion Member

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    Bob And Cork

    There once was a guy named Bob
    who's hobby was to steal and rob
    the funny thing was
    his friend hated him 'cause
    He never took him out on a date.

    So one day bob went for a walk
    and stumbled upon a fork
    which he inspected so carefully
    And completely forgot about the cork.

    What cork is this?
    I hear you ask;
    well, only a cork that wears a mask
    The cork that was Bob's partner in crime.

    In Crime?!
    Yes, in crime.
    He also spends his free time cleaning grime
    But when he slips and falls he goes back to work and takes some calls.

    So one day Bob and his Partner, Cork
    were stealing a huge hunk of pork
    but once they were caught
    they were ever so distraught
    And found themselves in prison.

    The lesson they learnt
    was ever so deep
    That they should never steal - and keep
    but after digging holes in the floor with spoons
    they were soon free as they flew away to Jupiter's moons.

    ~Fin
     
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  7. ajoyboy

    ajoyboy Athion Member Athion Member

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    Shoes for me this was a bit hard to follow, anyway glad you posted :)
     
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  8. ajoyboy

    ajoyboy Athion Member Athion Member

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    When you run,
    how long is it before you fall?
    When you hide,
    why are you always caught?

    Why is there
    always a rock in your path?
    Why is it
    that your seeker always gets you?

    Can you win?
    Can you get to the finish line?
    Can you triumph?
    Can you really defeat the seeker?

    But, I ask,
    What is there to stop you?
    Jump over the rock.
    Make your seeker hide from you.

    If nothing is working,
    Why don't you make it work?
    If you are caught,
    Why don't you try harder next time?

    Look for your rocks.
    Anticipate them.
    Seek out our seekers.
    Defeat them.

    You can win.
    You will easily triumph.
    Until then,
    Just endure.

    Then run forever.
    Keep watching for rocks.
    Stop the seeker in their tracks.
    You can triumph.
     
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  9. Shoes_Or_Sandals

    Shoes_Or_Sandals Athion Member Athion Member

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    d'ya think? XD
     
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